Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Art of Grading


















The Art of Grading

I sit,

sifting through the seemingly endless stack of papers,

trying to find that elusive needle… the pricking, plain point of it all.

 Instead, I find decorative ribbons of black type and

undecipherable chicken scratch, the latter wounding my eyes

and making my hands bleed red ink.

I sigh,

looking down at the bright designs, suddenly and unexpectedly ripe,

like plump strawberries blooming in a gutter.

Then, I look up at the more appealing fruits of my labor,

grown in an eye-level patch on the wall.

I survey,

with pride, this piece of makeshift artwork,

made modern out of old-fashioned necessity.

Recycled paint strips are taped together in flamboyant solidarity,

probably embarrassing the blank expanse behind.

A familiar shade catches my eye and

I suspect

that the “Flaming Roasted Pepper” hue might have jumped—

a fatal leap from the display above to the drudgery below,

messily mixing life and death on the palette of my desk

and suddenly making this simple work more weighty, worldly. 

I search

halfheartedly for a suicide note, and find it written

in the mathematical certainty, the geometrical surety

of those color swatches ranked in a military neatness:

light to dark, soft to bold… bright to dull.

I squint,

peering down at the scattered seeds of the pepper,

which conveniently dot my i’s and point my exclamations—

“Great work!” or “Come see me!”

They make a mockery of the patterned squares,

which are held in a sequence—a sentence

that cannot be changed or challenged—period

like the order of the alphabet (minus E).

I succeed                                                                          

in finding this irony, but cannot find a way to escape with my life,

to forget… to unfold the creases in my memory

that prove how art imitates life,

like rigid rectangular gradients reflecting curved grading scales.

But one person’s color is another’s colour, so

I sour

at the self-created symbolism,

at the rainbow-striped runways to success,

at the predictable Litmus tests for intelligence,

at the slippery ladders that are safe only for those on the highest rungs,

ringing the bell of achievement with one hand, the other clenched tightly over the identity

that they were born with, “fair” and square.
 
I savor,

rather, the freedom of splatter and spray paint,

but fear I will lose my commission along with my mind.  And so,

I sit still,

I still sigh,

and I sadly succumb to coloring inside the lines.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Exposé: potlucks

Many moons have passed since my last entry. 

So many moons, in fact, that the last school year has set and a brand new one has risen.  Like the legend of the phoenix.
Making this transition during the past week has been abrupt and unforgiving, which is understandable under normal circumstances.  But then I remember that I missed an entire moon during the return flight from the U.S. … and I silently moon over my jetlagged self.

Oh, the U.S.  I miss it only sometimes.  But I miss my family always.  And I will never get used to certain things here in India.  I used to think I would never get used to things like this:
"still not used to it... will not stop taking pictures"
^ taken from Facebook post on August 31, 2012 ^

Captioned words officially eaten.

My curiosity is no longer roused by these Curious Little Georges.  Instead of snapping shots of banana-wielding beasts, I actually find myself more focused on developing loaves of banana bread.  My life has become such that a successful baking experiment trumps an exotic, experimental animal species. 

“Why not just give up on banana bread, freak?”... you might ask.
“You can go without it for another year, fatass”… you might think.

But can I?  Can I, really?!  Because I say that this process is not a selfish preoccupation or an obsessive manifestation; it is a social necessity stemming from the looming entity that is…
(drum[sticky]roll)

THE  POTLUCK.
Because I’ve recently reentered the teaching mindset, allow me to unmask the term’s etymology:

The term potluck comes from the traditional practice (not that it's entirely unknown among us moderns) of never throwing anything away. Meal leftovers would be put into a pot and kept warm, and could be used to feed people on short notice. This practice was especially prevalent in taverns and inns in medieval times, so that when you showed up for a meal, you took the "luck of the pot."
This info came from straightdope.com—how much more legit can you get?—but it might read better as:

This practice is especially prevalent in Woodstock staff housing at all times, meals, and occasions… even the special occasion of occasionlessness… so that when you show up for a meal, you are expected to bring something goddamn delicious.  From scratch.
The problem is that my pot is never lucky, and there's certainly no skill involved.

I think people are starting to catch on to this, probably because I always bring the same item, which is actually not banana bread.  I haven’t yet made a piece with a passably solid consistency, though I may have discovered a fifth state of matter.  No—the only thing I can carry into a potluck with confidence is my hummus, so there’s at least an 81% chance that hummus will be my chosen contribution at any given event.  Even if that event is a Cinco de Mayo party:
"Whatcha channa bring to the potluck this weekend"

No one prepared me for this.

I was warned about the monkeys.  I was aware of the meager salary.  I was ready to face the relentless monsoon.  Hell, I was even told to bring a baseball glove. (<WTF?!)  But the onslaught of potlucks?  The merciless drone of pressure cookers, aptly named, that hiss a steady reminder of your incompetence? 
To make matters worse, you can’t pass off your cooking incompetence under the guise of a silly mistake or simple inexperience, because there’s always going to be another potluck.  And it’s probably going to be next weekend, so you’d better order some more tahini and lemon juice now.  And you’re probably going to be delivered lemon-lime juice, because who really knows if just plain lemon juice exists here?  I don’t.

Tangent over, fun game starting:  In order to prove that I am not cooking up a crock of shit, I am going to keep scientific track of how many potlucks I attend this school year.  Sounds simple, right?  One potluck, one point…eight potlucks, eight points… right?  WRONG.  The potluck is no simple creature.  There are shades to the potlucking culture that must be taken into account and, in doing so, be exposed. 

 
Because I’ve recently reentered the teaching mindset, allow me to unmask the official rubric:

2 points: A required potluck.  This potluck would be listed as an official event that I, as a teacher, would be expected to attend.  My very job may depend on a potluck of this caliber.
1.5 points: A holiday-themed potluck that a majority of staff attend.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the like.  It gets intense—was there an unspoken expectation to smuggle a gourmet pie in my carry-on?

1 point: A generic potluck.  You’re expected to bring something.  If you really mess it up (holla!) or just don’t go, you won’t get fired or blaspheme the birth of Christ.

This is a weird no-man’s land that deserves special consideration.  If someone invites you over but says you can bring something if you want, or that they will provide a few finger foods, a careful analysis of the host, the guest list, and the general tone of suggestion is necessary.  Much of this is intuitive and difficult to formally assess.  If I bring something and was right in doing so, I will give myself the point.  If I bring something but probably didn’t have to, I’ll concede and go with the half-point.
½ point: A Jack-in-the-Potluck.  You go to someone’s house, completely unsuspecting, but—surprise!—people bring stuff.  You lay low, eat very little, and immediately recheck your email invitation when you get home.  Sometimes you feel justified and sometimes you feel like a jackass.

The numerical results of this social experiment will be revealed at the end of the year.  I have already accrued 3 points. 



And with that, I leave you with a groundbreaking meme that encapsulates all that is wrong with my current cooking situation:


Special thanks to Claire for capturing my face in such a fascinating state of distortion, then labeling it.  And to Lindsay, for providing moral support (to Claire).

Monday, March 25, 2013

A break from winter break: why I love 7th grade

Today, my 7th graders wrote a journal on the following topic:

“Make a list of times you were treated differently, just based on the way you look.”


Student #1:
(reads board and scratches head)
What does that mean?

Me:
(thinking it’s fairly self-explanatory)
I’ll give you an example.  Imagine that I were a muscular, 40-year-old, 7-foot-tall man with a leather jacket and a really low voice.  If that man put his hands on his hips and said, “Start writing in your journal,” do you think (unnamed student) would still be standing up right now?

Student #1:
No.  He would be scared and would be doing what he’s supposed to.
(unnamed student sits down)

Me: 
There you go.  Even though I’m saying the exact same thing to you, you might treat the imaginary man differently because he would look scarier.

Student #1:
Oooooh.
(pause)
Did you have that planned out, Ms. Julie?

Me: 
Nope.  You just witnessed some impromptu teaching.

Student #1:
(longer pause)
I don’t understand that.  But I understood your example.

Me: 

Student #1:
Why are you calling me a donkey?

Student #2:
(laughing)
It’s from Shrek, you donkey.
(I really don't think he meant "ass," so I smiled at the innocence)

Student #1:
Oh.  Well, the man you described wouldn’t watch Shrek.

Me:
Probably not.  But in the morning, would he be MAKIN' WAFFLES?!

Student #1:
(clearly not understanding the reference, but clearly not caring)
Yes, a lot of waffles!  A whole lot of waffles, ‘cause you said he’s so big.

Student #2:
But Ms. Julie really likes breakfast.  She could eat a lot of waffles and she’s only a little bit big.

(thanks?!)

Student #1:
(short pause accompanied by a quick series of constipated-looking expressions)
OH MY GOSH, I’M TREATING HIM DIFFERENTLY!!!

Okay, Ms. Julie, you definitely planned this.


Oh, child, such things cannot be planned...

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Winter Break, part 3 of ?

After one day in Pushkar, which was plenty, I was supposed to take an 8 am bus to Jodhpur, a city within the state of Rajasthan.  Supposed to.  Turns out it might have been faster to “push” a “kar” to Jodhpur than to take a bus.  Hehe.  I’m sorry, I’ll try make that my first and last bad pun this time around.

Here’s the story.
After dinner, I checked with the Milk Man employees to make sure they would be up at 7 so I could check out.  My plan was to quickly scarf down some breakfast before footing it to the station at 7:30.  I don’t know why I continually harbor the hope that people here will do what they say they will do, though; my optimism, continually squashed, still springs eternal. 
For a visual demonstration of this depressingly repetitive process, click here and watch 1:20-2:05.  Pigs are my favorite animals, which makes this clip especially appropriate.  It isn’t as cute in real life, though.
Contrary to promises suggesting otherwise, the restaurant/lobby area of the Milk Man was still dark at 7:15 and I literally trampled over a sleeping body when I entered.  I sadly skipped breakfast, my most favorite meal of the day, because I was afraid it would make me miss my bus.  An ironic supposition, in retrospect.
It was only a 10-minute walk to the bus station.  The man at the ticket/info counter said that the bus would come at 8:30.  Immediately disappointed by my unnecessary loss of breakfast, I retired myself to a bench for a long and anxious wait.  I remained alert, scanning the incoming buses and trying to grasp any methodical pattern to arrival and departure… but if there was one, it eluded me.  When 8 am rolled around, I began actively asking the bus drivers if they were going to Jodhpur; my ticket did say 8, after all. 
An older man at the train station seemed to take a particular interest in me, either because I was plaguing his oddly tranquil hangout or because he felt pity for my odd and uncomfortable hang-up.  At one point he got my attention—“Ma’am!”—and motioned me to a bus headed to Jaipur.  That’s right.  There were a million and a half buses going to Jaipur, I was going to Jodhpur, and my accent probably made the two indistinguishable.  A cruel linguistic trick.  When the man understood my actual destination, he said he would let me know when my bus arrived. 
Torn between trust and experience, I continued to confront bus drivers up until 9:00.  No luck.  Again, the man approached me and said he would “take care of it,” so I sat back in exasperated surrender.  Then, at 9:15ish, there was a sudden influx of passengers, including a group of youngish guys who spoke good English.  Our conversation went something like this:

“Where are you going?”
“Jodhpur.”
“When?”
“An hour ago.”
“You need to ask the bus drivers where they’re going or they’ll leave without you.”
“Tried that.”
“Sometimes the bus comes at 7:45.”
“I was here at 7:40.”
Yet, sure enough, the guy behind the info desk told me that I had missed my bus, but, “No problem, no worries,” another would be coming at 10:30.  I shot daggers (an ineffective trend, it seems) at the man who was supposed to “take care of it” and show me my bus.  So, beginning at 10, I approached every single bus I saw.  Even if it said “Ajmer bus” on the side, I did not make the assumption that is was actually going to nearby Ajmer.  By this point, my introversion had completely dissipated.  I was no longer shy about approaching the drivers.  I was no longer embarrassed by my lack of Hindi.  I felt like dancing in the middle of the bus stop to draw attention to myself and my predicament.  I debated whether stripping down and writing “JODHPUR,” in cow blood, across my finer points would help things along a little.  In other words, I was ready to go.
And then… success!
The name “Jodhpur” had never sounded sweeter (or more distinctive, for that matter).  The bus was not crowded, but I still headed to the back to celebrate in relative solitude.  After about 10 minutes, the bus driver’s sidekick came around and collected money from all new boarders.  I flashed my ticket and pointed to my paid total with a grin.  Luckily, the guy didn’t make a stink about it being the wrong bus or the wrong time, which would have been a big, fineable deal in the U.S.  It’s funny, the U.S. takes advantage of people, just as in India… but at least it’s more systematic in the States!  I guess it helps that I’ve lived in the system for so long, too.
Just like in Ghana and Ecuador, there are hawkers that come aboard the buses when they make brief stops.  A boy came onto my bus with some grossly over-fried puris, attempted to sell them to me for Rs. 10 apiece, and cleverly converted my rejection into an invitation to sit, stare, and take multiple point-blank pictures with his cell phone.  Awkward. 
“Awkward” pretty much sums up how I felt walking around the streets of Jodhpur, once I got there.  I did like Jodhpur more than Pushkar, though.  There were tons of tourist stalls, but also everyday stalls with vegetables and textiles that were obviously patronized by Jodhpur locals.  I was lured into a variety of spice stalls on my first trek into the main Clock Tower area of town, each of them claiming that I should just “take a look” and that there would be “no pressure” to buy anything.  And yet, an atmosphere of uncomfortable expectation always hung in the air.  I think this is the skill I need to develop most while in India, standing my ground and not becoming intoxicated by this sense of expectation.  Developing a  “yeah, I know there’s a line of people behind me, an auto rickshaw honking for me to move, and a crippling language barrier, but I’m going to stand her until I get what I want” resistance to pressure.  A self-centeredness derived from necessity.
But that’s not completely realistic… there would never be an actual line of people behind me.
Clock Tower
 
Apparently, while there are many spice shops sprinkled around Jodhpur, there is only one original.  And, now that its “founding father” is dead, it has been (refreshingly) taken over by his daughters.  Their business card is hilarious, though; a Clock Tower area map is on the back, with X’s marking out the “imposter” shops.  Are they imposters simply because they, too, sell spices?  In America, we call that healthy, consumer-friendly competition.  One particularly entrepreneurial woman, Rheka, has embraced this competitive spirit; her “Spice Paradise” has risen like a phoenix from the ashes of many a failed spice shop because she offers a cooking class alongside all of her spices.  It’s genius, really… try out the product before you shell out the cash!
I stopped by early in the day and signed up for a 5 pm lesson.  But at 5, the doors were chained shut.  I loitered for a while, then knocked and stuck my face up to the glass like a kindergartener on a field trip to an aquarium.  Obviously, Rheka was not ready to start the lesson.  She said she needed to clean, which appeared to be overwhelmingly true, but I also found out later that her husband still needed to get ingredients from the market.  After ten minutes of waiting on the couch in her back room, I was joined by a group of four Australian college students.  They were on Christmas break and were randomly traveling to Nepal and India.  Meeting these girls (Annabelle, Hannah, Silka, and whatsherface) was exactly what I had in mind for this trip—bonding with temporary friends from places around the world. 
When class started out with the basic masala chai, I was a bit concerned—that stuff is for kiddos!  Also, Rheka seemed scattered and was helping other customers instead of us.  The whole scheme seemed generally sterile and businesslike.  I’m not sure at what point that all changed.  Perhaps it was when I noticed her great-aunt sleeping on a cushion in the corner of the room.  Perhaps it was when her children brought out Christmas trees they had decorated for school and sang—seemingly straight from the Germanic heart of northwest Ohio—"The Merry Christmas Polka"Or perhaps it was when Rheka told us about her sister-in-law’s jealous rage, which led to an armed robbery in front of Rheka’s children. 
Makhania Lassis
Rheka, husband, Aussies, one daughter
Making chappati
Smelling chappati
 
I knew, deep down, that this was a business venture for Rheka and her husband, plain and simple.  They’d dealt with enough foreigners that they knew how to tug at our heartstrings and play us like fiddles.  Their sob stories had been practiced and perfected, to be sure, but my Western sensibilities simply could not be kept at bay.  It’s interesting—I became very aware of my weaknesses in Jodhpur and could tell when I’d been “hooked,” but only just after, so I could lucidly (and helplessly) watched myself fall into traps.  Traveling with others would be helpful in this respect. 
At the end of the night, I left with a full belly, a full memory card, and full of ideas on how to improve my cooking skills.  I learned how to make veg biryani, raita, shahi paneer, dal, makhania lassis, carrot halva, rotis, parathas, and naan.  The problem is, for most of these recipes, you need her special mixes, or “masalas.”  So I left with a couple of those, too.  By the time I arrived back at my guesthouse—Rheka’s husband was nice enough to drive me there on his motorbike—it was a little bit after 10.  The class was supposed to end at 9, but we were simply having too much fun together!  When I went to open the door of the guest house, I panicked a bit when I found it locked.  But within a few seconds, an employee surfaced and let me in, informing me that curfew was 10 pm.  You’d think they’d inform me of a curfew prior to me breaking it.  But then, you’d be thinking wrong.
View of the "Blue City" from Hillview
 
One good thing about Hillview (because overall, I wasn’t impressed) was its proximity to Mehrangarh Fort.  One good thing about Mehrangarh Fort was the Flying Fox zipline tour.  Although, I have to admit I didn’t feel very foxy in the harness.
Smiling, but experiencing crotchal discomfort
 
Ziplining was fun.  However, ziplining in a cloud forest (twice!… once with a fellow student teacher and once with my sister) tainted the experience a bit.  Ecuadorian rainforest will always trump the beauty of any manmade edifice, but that’s not poor Mehrangarh’s fault.
A delightfully suggestive blast from the past
 
I spent the rest of the day meandering around the old fort, which was probably my favorite of all the forts in Rajasthan I visited. 
Mehrangarh during the day
Mehrangarh at night
 
The gist of Jodhpur:
1) Even if you get fort-weary in Rajasthan, which is easy to do, don’t skip out on Mehrangarh.
2) Never buy a cup of tea there.  Ever.  Act semi-interested as you walk by a spice shop and you will have tea practically thrown at you.  And not just regular chai--something with saffron and other cool stuff.
3) You can buy vanilla pods here.  I was originally quoted Rs. 60/pod, but when I said 4 for 200, the guy immediately acquiesced.  What?!  Bartering is no fun until someone has either lost all sense of dignity or sustained a flesh wound.  See how much lower you can get. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Winter Break, part 2 of ?

Because I began recounting my travel experiences in a rather negative manner, I’m going to skip past the description of my short stop in Delhi and move right into the good stuff—arriving in Pushkar!

I won’t mention that I’m never going to book a bus ride on MakeMyTrip.com ever again.  I won’t mention that walking around the streets of Delhi while sporting a backpack transforms one into a walking piece of foreign flypaper.  I won’t mention that, in order to simply locate my bus’s departure zone, I was haphazardly tossed around the city like a hot (tempered) potato, though I tried my best to be a sweet one.  And I won’t mention how I ultimately found it… “but,” says angel-on-shoulder, “what happens if one of your readers is ever put in this exact same situation?”  Okay, okay, I’ll tell you… but only because it’s my civic responsibility.
Here are very specific directions to the bus that supposedly leaves from the very specific location of “khanna mkt opp st ste”:
Creeper McGee (on first bus)à”German” bakeryà metroà Khanna Market (NOT Khan Market) in the daylightà loiter outside of a metro station for hoursà Khanna Market at nightàother end of Khanna Market (NO bus)à inside car of two strange menà St. Stephen’s hospitalà inside car of same strange menà surprisingly informative vegetable stallà vegetable stall producing (unsurprisingly) contradictory informationà closed travel officeà open travel officeà back of motorbikeà random alleywayà bus.
I won’t mention that the bus was freezing and I had no feeling in my toes for the duration of the 12-hour trip.  However, those little piggies did have the whole sleeper berth all to themselves! 
Oinks of approval.
 
Pushkar was, quite literally, a breath of fresh air after my brief exposure to Delhi’s stifling pollution.  It provided a navigable, low-key environment that encouraged relatively peaceful wandering—a much-needed transition into the world of solo travel.  From the outset, I realized that one of the joys of adventuring alone was being entitled to the freedom of direct decision.  Rather than trying to meekly appease the majority, I was able to be dictatorial without being demeaning.  I have the tendency to be quite indecisive, so, while somewhat uncomfortable at first, I quickly embraced my new “wearer-of-the-pants” role out of necessity.  My first official decision was to stay at Milk Man Guesthouse, and the decision-making process was quintessentially me.   When I initially went to check out the place, I saw a woman taking an amazing-looking breakfast up to her room, which led to:
really wanting the breakfastà being impressed that the place had curtainsàactually liking the curtainsà asking my friends for their opinions on the breakfast and the curtainsà oh, wait, I’m aloneà decision made.
Yeah, I’m also the kind of girl who aligns Super Bowl allegiances with cute mascots and uniform color combos (because lord knows the Browns will never get there).

In the fall, Pushkar hosts an impressive annual camel fair.  Understandably, prices skyrocket during this time and visitors have to be willing to roll out sleeping bags wherever there’s space.  But when I visited, it was only Rs. 100 per night ($2) for a spot in the dorm-style, communal sleeping space.  Because I’m fairly introverted, I thought that forcing myself to choose this shared room would be better than wallowing in private hermitage.   But then I ended up being the only traveler in a room with 10 beds, and I was secretly relieved that I didn’t have to socialize—although, I did randomly meet a group of Woodstalkers (j/k, j/k) 
on a rooftop restaurant! 

I spent a lot of time on rooftop restaurants during the break.  They’re wonderful places for people-watching, scenery-basking, and journal-writing… which leads me to share a semi-related excerpt taken from my personal journal.  I think I’ll do this often in my Winter Break series of posts.  Writing is time consuming, and I had oh-so-much more of it then:
People’s reactions to me are so weird.  The child laborer they call the waiter just asked what country I’m from.  I hesitate every time I answer this question, because it seems so unnatural to say that I’m from America; I’m American, yes, but I’m from the United States.  But regardless, when I told this boy I was from America, he got a big grin and confessed it was his favorite country.  It’s probably just part of his go-to foreign shtick, but I really do think the USA produces a good batch of people.  Probably because we’re sickeningly sweetly friendly, like a chocolate chip cookie.  Soft. Ooey-gooey.   I think that people from some other Western countries are more like scones—also delicious, but more, shall we say, appropriately sweet for everyday dining.  I say this in a completely general and stereotypical way, because I would classify myself as being relatively scone-like, but perhaps not… it seems that people here can smell my inner sweetness from a mile away, like the scent of a freshly-baked  cookie!  I’m sure the longer I stay here and the more I venture outside the oven that is Mussoorie, the more stale I will smell.  Almost like the stronger I get, the weaker the aroma gets?  God, I love extended metaphors.  I leave Pushkar with many a bite taken out of me… yeah, I’m not even gonna try and stop…
At this point, I go on to basically explain why you should run far, far away from anyone who calls himself a Brahmin priest.   And this time, I really won’t mention the details!

Pushkar pointers:
1) Definitely only stay there a day or two, unless you want to visit literally hundreds of temples or you just love buying random shit (like stamps being made at the side of the road… guilty).
2) If you have the luxury to go during camel time, it's probaby worth coughing up (or spitting up, get it?) the cash. 

the Milk Man
 
because food tastes better when cross-legged on a cushion 

outside of the Brahma Temple

a slightly different rooftop view
 

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Winter Break, part 1 of ?

Friday was International Women’s Day.

Prior to morning assembly, I didn’t know that such a day even existed… but I guess there’s a day devoted to everything, including “International Day of Awesomeness,” which just so happens to be today!  You’d think they could just omit the obvious redundancy and make yesterday “International Awesomeness of Women Day.”  Who’s with me?
I know at least one person who would probably not be on board—the same grown, educated man I personally overheard complaining that Women’s Day is irrelevant “because women already have their rights, especially Western women.”  This Western woman’s blood was immediately brought to boiling, a visceral reaction caused by the insensitive statement itself as well as by the recent memories it resurfaced.  During winter break, despite my supposed plethora of rights, I still managed to be quite wronged, quite often.
For example, I spent the very first night of my winter travels—the night of December 15—on a bus ride from Dehradun to Delhi.   While waiting for the bus, alone, I was chatted up by an Indian man who was also headed to Delhi.  He was friendly and nice, performing the usual recitation of every Western country that he had ever visited and apologizing on behalf of his fellow countrymen for treating foreign women like Caucasian catnip.  The friendliness took a questionable turn, though, when the man decided that, because the bus I was taking was somehow “better” than his, he would exchange his ticket for a seat on mine. 
But not just any seat. 
We ended up sharing a tiny sleeper berth that slapped us together like a PB&J sandwich, Saran-wrapped away from the rest of the passengers by both a curtain and a sliding glass door.  He was definitely the peanut butter in this situation, clinging to curves I wasn’t even aware I had, whereas I was desperately trying to keep my jelly free from his sticky, creepy grasp.  (<that link is for you, Lindsay)
Even though I pleadingly stared down the (Hindi-speaking) bus driver when he patrolled the aisle before departure, he didn’t come to my rescue by finagling with the seating arrangement.  I was, however, comforted by eye contact I made with an older Indian woman, also traveling solo, in the adjacent sleeper.  I can’t adequately describe the look she gave me, but it seemed to acknowledge my predicament and assure me that she was there, if needed. 
Still, I didn’t sleep.
The night passed by at a snail’s pace and I spent it swatting away stray hands, focusing on flattening myself against a window dripping with condensation.  The claustrophobic tension, tinged by the ever-present possibility of physical danger, caused a scream to rise and congeal in the back of my throat; had this experienced occurred later in my trip, I realize I probably would have (and in this case, should have) let it loose.  But it wasn’t until I returned to the city on Christmas Day that I discovered that this had happened the night of December 16, less than 24 hours after having arrived “safely” in Delhi:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Delhi_gang_rape_case
I know that most sane men would definitely feel sad after reading that article.  Probably angry, confused… perhaps even ashamed by simple association with the offending gender.  But does it make sense that when I, as a woman, finally absorbed this news that was splattered across televisions in the New Delhi airport, I, too, was flooded with an initial sense of guilt?  I felt guilty for having considered myself so very violated on my bus ride to Delhi, when this woman’s ride within the same city resulted in her death.  What right do I have to complain about my poor treatment, which is pathetically dwarfed in comparison to hers?  Shouldn’t I be focused on the bigger picture, on the acts against women that result in actual, visible damage?
These are questions that sprout from the deeply-rooted, harmful attitudes of people like my overheard, unnamed informant, who made a supposed concession by saying that women who are seriously wronged, like the one raped in Delhi, “can have their Women’s Day.”  So, women are only entitled to respect after they are horrifically, violently abused?  We should only be celebrated and valued after we are murdered?  The push behind International Women’s Day is not to repent for crimes already committed against women, but rather to pave the way for a future that is freer of such crime, harassment, and prejudice.  It’s easy enough to obtain legal rights on paper, but changing deeply-embedded cultural beliefs and practices is a much bigger challenge… and it’s useless to think about these cultural tendencies in terms of “Western” and “non-Western” when boundaries are continually blurred by globalization.  Woodstock strives to help students forge roles within a world that is the sum of its individual parts; the thoughts and behavior of each country, each city, and each person contributes to the well-being of the entire communal sphere.
My fragmented experiences as a single woman traversing the globe have led me to view gender discrimination as a sort of similarly fragmented mosaic; the “big picture” is certainly important and leaves the greatest aesthetic impact, but this picture is comprised of smaller, seemingly insignificant shards of sexist acts… whistling, staring, “accidental” touching, general condescension.  Larger crimes against women rightly overshadow these smaller, seemingly insignificant wrongdoings, but women have every right—even a special responsibility—to draw attention to and express disgust toward the everyday occurrences that build up like dryer lint before resulting in some sort of violent (and preventable) explosion. 

I think my feeling of guilt about the rape in Delhi is a powerful indicator that an International Women’s Day is still valid, relevant, and needed, and will continue to be as long as X-chromosomes are viewed as scarlet letters.
I promise to step down from my soapbox for my next post: Winter Break, part 2 of ?…
 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Food for Thought

One of the things I miss the most about the United States is the ability to eat food without fear.  I miss the days when I could hop in my car at 3 AM, head off to my friendly neighborhood Kroger Marketplace, and return home a mere fifteen minutes later with virtually any type of produce in my possession—in season or not.  Then I could eat it, immediately.  Without even washing it, because I’m a rebel like that.

As ridiculous as this scenario sounds, it’s not an imaginary one.  In the U.S., I really loved to cook.  I have never claimed to be particularly skilled at cooking, but it was always an enjoyable way to relax and unwind after school.  However, since moving to India, that love has simmered down to the level of a disappointing duty.  Not because of the unavailable ingredients.  Not because of the inaccessibility of ingredients.  Not because of the limited counterspace, lack of dishwasher, or microwave-sized “oven.”  But rather, because I know that every bite of prepared food I take is potentially poisonous.  I often question why I go through the time-consuming hassle of cooking a meal when I know there’s a 50/50 chance that it will just result in a weeklong diet of bananas and crackers.
I admit that a 50/50 chance is an exaggeration, but I can safely say that I have had impromptu, late-night, stomach-flipping dates with my bathroom wastebasket at the rate of about once a month since I’ve been here.  I’m no mathematician, but that’s probably more puke production in half a year than I’ve managed to muster throughout the rest of my entire life.  And it's not something that I'm proud of.
I was lucky not to have any health issues during my two-month-long winter vacation, but sure enough, less than a week back in Mussoorie and I am already dancing the intestinal jitterbug.  But let’s rewind, back to the end of September, when I experienced my first bout of illness.  It was a couple of days before “quarter break,” a weeklong vacation between the first and second quarters of school.  Feeling sick right before/during vacation is an obvious bummer, but most vacations aren’t as epic as climbing to a height of 14500 ft. in the Himalaya.  But, long story short, I hastily procured antibiotics and was fortunately able to still go on the trip, along with 10 students and 3 fellow staff members. 
I think that the trek was a key factor contributing to my blogging hiatus.  I knew it needed to be featured, but how?  How could a page of text accurately convey a week of unprecedented outdoor adventure?  As I sit here four months (!!) later, I realize that time does not aid in the blogging process.  So instead of poorly and incompletely rehashing the entire experience, I will let you reconstruct it for yourself via 1) some photos, and 2) my contribution to the “group journal” that was floating among the trekkers during that week.  I already converted this puppy into a lesson for my 7th graders and a devotional speech for the 10th graders (and it was also quoted in the Hanifl Center’s write-up about the trip, which you can read here), but I’ll share it here on Julindia as well.  Because when you stumble across a somewhat transcendental idea in India, it would be un-American not to whore it out to the masses.
The next time you hear from me (which will be soon), I will start to recap my winter vacation rather than tryto fill in all of the gaping holes of my online chronicle.  We’ll just call November “the lost month” and forge ahead.



October 1, 2012
Every year, my family vacations at Lake George, New York; every year, we climb a mountain.  When I was 8 or 9, we climbed Pilot Knob.  My father had not ventured up this particular peak since he was a child himself, and the trail had become worn and weathered over the years.  At first glance, we originally deemed it impassable and almost turned back, but then my uncle noticed a small pile of rocks perched atop a nearby boulder. 
“This,” he said with a smirk, “was not created by nature.”
I specifically remember being moved that people I didn’t know, and would never knowingly meet, would put so much time and effort into marking the trail for future travelers.  I swelled with such a feeling of comradery for these unseen friends, and my brother and sister and I instinctively began adding stones to the piles like we were playing an endless game of Jenga.  The towers eventually guided us all the way to the mountain’s summit, where we chowed down on my family’s traditional mountaintop grub:  grapefruit.
Today, about 15 years and half a world away from my experience on Pilot Knob, I saw these manmade markers once again… not in the Adirondacks, but in the Himalayas.  Once again, those feelings of comradery and “oneness” came rushing back.  This sense of unity that I assumed would be dulled by the process of aging was actually heightened by the scope and setting of the trek to Darwa Pass.  And this time, it came with an epiphany.
“This,” I thought with a smirk, “was created entirely by nature.”
Human nature.  Those seemingly simplistic piles, I feel, are actually symbolic of the selflessness of humanity.  Once our basic needs are met, we are conditioned to care about and provide for the well-being of others—not just those we know and love, but also those we would love to know, and even those we love without knowing!  Apart from the rock piles, I have seen human compassion manifest itself in the actions and reactions of my fellow trekkers.  From taping up one hiker’s broken boots, to divvying up the weighty contents of another hiker’s pack, to cooking for each other and sharing our beloved stashes of gorp and chocolate, we have proven that humans are ready and willing to think and act beyond the boundaries of family, nation, and even religion.  I am as inspired by this realization as I am by the breathtaking landscape that is currently surrounding me.